August
26
2010
That would be me.
You know what? Being consistent is hard. Being motivated is hard. And, being disciplined IS HARD. I would say this sums up ME for the last 5 or so years. One would think being fat and essentially a health time bomb would push me to stick to a plan, but I just cannot. I am good in spurts. Maybe for a half a day. A whole day. Maybe from Monday until Wednesday morning. Maybe I might light it up and last for most of a week. But inevitably, I fall off the wagon at some point.
I hate it, but seemingly cannot control it. Isn’t that sad? I mean, while I’m proud to admit my downfalls so blatantly, it is pathetic. Kind of like knowing you shouldn’t cheat on your wife, but you do it anyway, because in the moment it feels wonderful (no worries Kate, no one wants any of this anyway). Maybe I’m a food addict…both in quantity ‘cuz I’s so hungry, and in quality ‘cuz I can’t deny myself the wonderful taste of certain temptations.
I swear, I’m publishing an ebook on this site if I can crack the code for human weakness and stupidity. There is really nothing anyone can tell me from a motivation standpoint I have not heard before. This needs to start with ME.
Here is an example…our church has a wonderful program called the meals ministry, where anyone on it may be asked to provide a hot meal for someone in need at any given time when cooking for themselves may be a hassle. We were asked if we would like a meal or two after our long and stressful hospital stay. Fast forward to Tuesday night, and our meal arrived, consisting of salad, dinner rolls, tater tot casserole, some fresh fruit and vegetables, and home made peanut butter cookies. Not a bad spread. I dominated about half that casserole in about a day’s time, and easily half those cookies. Then last night I was casually snacking when my wife says “I thought you were trying to diet?”
Exactly. WTF?!? I’m grazing casually for reasons unknown, completely not thinking about my actions, because (drumroll): I’LL GET BACK ON THE HORSE TOMORROW. Ah yes, the horse which I have been claiming to ride off on since about 2005. My wife knows this horse well, and she named him “Ya Right”.
Basically I’m just spewing out my thoughts. Sorry this post has no flow to it, or a point or end in sight. I feel frustrated to be continually caught in the same cycle, over and over again, but this is nothing new for me really. Hold your “Go getum’s” and “You can do it’s” because they hold no value here. This starts and ends with me. Maybe I’m secretly awaiting a stroke, or a diabetic diagnosis to say, “wow now I finally should drop 80 lbs!”
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I realize this describes about 90% of anyone overweight. But like that 90%, until we change ourselves, we cannot fully change ourselves.
Man, that was deep.
-Dan
Popularity: 2% [?]
August
20
2010
It sure is hard to diet when you’re in the hospital for most of a week…
My 5 month old developed a staph infection Saturday of last week, and by Sunday he was admitted to the hospital. When it was decided he may need surgery to drain the infection, and because his condition was worsening, we transferred to Milwaukee Children’s Hospital. They were wonderful, and my little man is now on his way to being healthy. We did not get home until yesterday (Thursday) around 4 pm.
While I didn’t take any big steps backwards, I had more important things to worry about. I need the weekend to recoup some lost sleep, and then I’ll be back at it.
Hug your kids, you never know where scary things will happen that threaten their health…
-Dan
Popularity: 2% [?]
August
13
2010
Friday the 13th…
Scale dropped a measly 0.8 lbs this week to 310.4 lbs, which = 7.8 lbs lost since 4/30/10.
Tape remained unchanged from last week, at 53 1/2 inches, still 1 inch less than I was on 4/30/10.
It’s funny sometimes when you stand back and look at your body of work. After almost 4 months, I’m almost 8 lbs down and a mere inch gone on my waist. If you’d asked me in April when I was to begin this public journey with weekly pics, where I would be by mid August, I’d have said I would be in the 280′s (or 270′s) and nearing a 50 inch love tank. Today it really hit me just how far I SHOULD have gone, and COULD have gone, but have not. Yes, I did discover one way NOT to diet, but still, it is sad.
Also sad is my health. I had a nice little argument with my wife today over the phone, and I was so wound up after it, that I took my blood pressure on a kiosk machine at CVS. Let’s just say I think I racked the high score for the day (maybe the week or month)…it was high enough to make me raise my eyebrows and think, “holy shit!”
The plan between now and next Friday is to play nice, and NOT have more than 1 refeed, in the form of a picnic with my family tomorrow night. I think my body needs to evolve a bit more in terms of carb and insulin utilization, and I believe the bulk influx of carbohydrates during a refeed isn’t benefiting me like I’d hoped it would. This simply means I will have more low days in terms of calories and carbs. More will power and discipline, but more results.
-Dan
Popularity: 3% [?]
August
6
2010
It’s good to be back…
Reverting to the diet scheme I used early last year to burn some fat rather quickly. Basically I eat about 1-1.25 grams of protein per pound of lean body mass, which I estimate around 190-200 lbs. I keep fat to as little as I can, plus fish oil. Carbs I like to keep under 40-50 grams at most, but ideally under 20 grams per day…and I THRIVE eating like this. The only difference between last year and now is the incorporation of a refeed. A refeed is a structured, intentional overeating phase where you pound the carbs 1-3 times a week while keeping fat non existent. There are hormonal and metabolic advantages to this, which I hope to cover later, but so far, it is working for me.
Weight today was 311.2 lbs, which is about as low as I have been since I began weigh ins on 4/30/10. That means I have lost 7 lbs since my first weigh in.
Tape was a shade disappointing, but it’ll get there… 53.5 inches, which is 1 full inch down from 4/30/10.
I’m just happy to be back at it. It was disappointing to be going nowhere for a few weeks there, but I’m back at it. Looking forward once again to my next weigh in, where it hopefully will begin with “30_”
-Dan
Popularity: 4% [?]
August
4
2010
I have been dealing with something lately that I have been lucky to avoid my whole life…
Despite YEARS of training with heavy weights, despite playing football in high school, despite wrestling for years, I have never had a major injury. Aside from a sprained ankle, nothing has ever been torn, broken, or fractured. My shoulders hurt, but it is my fault from heavy benching with incorrect form, and not doing rotator work to stretch and strengthen my shoulders. My back has been bad, but again, my fault for not doing more ab work, and for not stretching my hamstrings and calves more. Otherwise, my joints and body as a whole are great…right?
The last few weeks I have been dreading getting out of bed. I roll over and sit up, and my low back is a bit achy, but not awful. The worst is the next step. I put my feet down, and carefully work to a full standing position. My feet and ankles feel like I spent the previous day running a 10k on rough terrain. The first few steps are slow, ginger, and carefully done. They do eventually loosen up and stop hurting, but lately I’ve been relying on hot baths to just soak and let my lower body alleviate some pain.
I truly believe being over 300 lbs for all these past years is beginning to wear on my body. I don’t want to admit it. I want to believe I’m invincible and all this extra weight isn’t really damaging to me, but it is. I cannot begin to imagine the relief I will feel 50-80 lbs less than I am now.
Just another reminder of why I’m here.
-Dan
Popularity: 5% [?]
July
29
2010
Just a quick note, weigh ins and normal stuff is back in a week. Been cutting back the food intake goodness, and it is getting me results finally. It is tough, but it is working. Had a cold for a few days this week which was awful, but it has passed. Hope all is well with all 2 of you who frequent my site.
-Dan
Popularity: 3% [?]
July
16
2010
Sometimes you have to know when to say when. The last 8 or so weeks have been a failed experiment. What should have been a productive time went terribly, horribly, WRONG. I’ll try not to bore you…
One of my major fail points has been reading forums TOO MUCH. There is a ton of good info out there, but it’s info overload. About 3 months ago I found a thread over at Iron Addict’s (IA) board where he was trying a new diet. IA was tweaking a plan called the Warrior Diet. The premise is to under eat/controlled fast for 20 hours, and overeat for 4. If you go to bed at 10 pm, you would eat small, easily digestible protein sources and raw fruits and veggies the next day. Around 6 pm you were allowed to basically eat your day’s worth of calories in one big meal. There are a lot of advantages to this style of eating that I will not elaborate on here, but the point was that everyone doing this diet on his forum was having unreal results from it. Energy levels up, strength up, bodyfat decreasing at a regular rate, etc. It was blowing away every other diet IA had seen before.
I opted to try this style, and it worked for a while. I felt great around the time my son was born in March, but then the greatness of it declined. I didn’t have the energy surges, and bodyfat was the same or maybe increasing slightly. I tried to tighten up my intake, lower calories, etc etc…nothing was working. Point here is that is wasn’t for me.
For years I have been trusting what works for others to work for me. Time to get back to the dietary outline that I know worked for me in the past. I’m taking a week or two off from posting pictures to get myself on track again. It has been frustrating me that this Warrior Diet style of eating hasn’t been working for me like for others. That is fine. I’ll go with what has worked before.
-Dan
Popularity: 6% [?]
July
10
2010
This weigh in is dedicated to Dave Matthews and his band…
Being sick and (admittedly) quite lazy from the 4th and the illness made for a bad week. Mr. Scale said I was 314.8 lbs today, and I told him he was welcome to go outside and play a game called “hide and go fuck yourself.” I am working on developing a healthy relationship with the scale. I have gained 3 lbs since last week and I’m down a total of 4 lbs since 4/30/10.
Somehow the tape remained the same. 53 1/2 inches, which is identical to last week but 1 inch less since 4/30/10.
I dedicated this to DMB, because of his song many albums ago, called “#41″. One of the lines in the chorus says,
“I will go in this way, and I’ll find my own way out.”
Honestly, this has been ME for most of my life. Countless times I have been given advice and guidance on what to do, and I have instead followed my own path. Most times I encountered a lot of adversity, but it always did seem to work itself out in the end, including college and career choices, vehicle purchases, the city I live in, etc.
This is no different. I have received many offers to communicate over email for help and counseling, and while I am saving every offer in the event I have a change of heart, I’m doing this my own way. You may read this and disagree, but I’m hard wired to lift weights, and this has been ME for more than half my life. I’m not interested in putting all my focus on cardio. I detest marathons, triathlons, etc. You can keep your low calorie Weight Watchers approach.
I have done this before, and done it my way. I have slowly built muscle, and slowly cut the fat at the same time. The difference between then and now is that I have more responsibility and more distractions. I know this is the same song and dance, weigh in after weigh in, but I absolutely will get it done. It may take me a long time, but I will get there.
-Dan
Popularity: 9% [?]
July
8
2010
Definitely.
Being sick just took me down from Monday to Wednesday. Finally managed to workout last night, but this will be a shit weigh in again.
A big part of me lifting a powerlifting style program is that while I am not overeating, I’m also not depleted. Some bloggers tracking their progress seem to do cardio nonstop and eat like a bird. Their bodies are depleted and muscle glycogen levels are low. The scale constantly moves downward, and many times the body is eating some muscle tissue as an energy source.
Being that I don’t do this, and I instead lift heavy, eat moderate to high protein levels, do some, but not a lot of cardio…my journey is BORING because I see small changes on the scale, and even smaller changes in my body. When I’m done, I don’t want a depleted, deflated, soft looking body. I want to be muscular and strong, so if that means it takes me 18 months, then so be it.
Final thought…time to start using my sled more…THAT is some major cardio in a short amount of time…
-Dan
Popularity: 8% [?]
July
6
2010
Ugh…
Had a good weekend until Monday, 7/5. I was lucky enough to have a paid day off, but just after lunch, the stomach cramping and discomfort set in. This unleashed about 8 hours of pure hell for me. Just before bed the awful body aches and chills kicked me around and left me miserable. This morning I called in sick for the first half of the day, but now that I’m here, I’m struggling through it. Whatever this bug is seems to not be gone 100%. Hoping by tonight I feel normalish again.
That’s it. Wish things were more exciting around here, but life is just busy. I have lots of writing ideas, but I’m holding off for credibility’s sake. Once I have cut a reasonable amount of weight, I will share some ideas and theories I have once I feel like I have a platform to stand on.
-Dan
Popularity: 7% [?]
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