gofatkid.com

Sucking Extra Hard

That would be me.


You know what? Being consistent is hard. Being motivated is hard. And, being disciplined IS HARD. I would say this sums up ME for the last 5 or so years. One would think being fat and essentially a health time bomb would push me to stick to a plan, but I just cannot. I am good in spurts. Maybe for a half a day. A whole day. Maybe from Monday until Wednesday morning. Maybe I might light it up and last for most of a week. But inevitably, I fall off the wagon at some point.


I hate it, but seemingly cannot control it. Isn’t that sad? I mean, while I’m proud to admit my downfalls so blatantly, it is pathetic. Kind of like knowing you shouldn’t cheat on your wife, but you do it anyway, because in the moment it feels wonderful (no worries Kate, no one wants any of this anyway). Maybe I’m a food addict…both in quantity ‘cuz I’s so hungry, and in quality ‘cuz I can’t deny myself the wonderful taste of certain temptations.


I swear, I’m publishing an ebook on this site if I can crack the code for human weakness and stupidity. There is really nothing anyone can tell me from a motivation standpoint I have not heard before. This needs to start with ME.


Here is an example…our church has a wonderful program called the meals ministry, where anyone on it may be asked to provide a hot meal for someone in need at any given time when cooking for themselves may be a hassle. We were asked if we would like a meal or two after our long and stressful hospital stay. Fast forward to Tuesday night, and our meal arrived, consisting of salad, dinner rolls, tater tot casserole, some fresh fruit and vegetables, and home made peanut butter cookies. Not a bad spread. I dominated about half that casserole in about a day’s time, and easily half those cookies. Then last night I was casually snacking when my wife says “I thought you were trying to diet?”


Exactly. WTF?!? I’m grazing casually for reasons unknown, completely not thinking about my actions, because (drumroll): I’LL GET BACK ON THE HORSE TOMORROW. Ah yes, the horse which I have been claiming to ride off on since about 2005. My wife knows this horse well, and she named him “Ya Right”.


Basically I’m just spewing out my thoughts. Sorry this post has no flow to it, or a point or end in sight. I feel frustrated to be continually caught in the same cycle, over and over again, but this is nothing new for me really. Hold your “Go getum’s” and “You can do it’s” because they hold no value here. This starts and ends with me. Maybe I’m secretly awaiting a stroke, or a diabetic diagnosis to say, “wow now I finally should drop 80 lbs!”


Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I realize this describes about 90% of anyone overweight. But like that 90%, until we change ourselves, we cannot fully change ourselves.


Man, that was deep.


-Dan

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